your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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