You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
