Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
