I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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