now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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