Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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