You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
