big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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