Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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