i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
