Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize