I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My liver just broke up with me...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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