she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
