My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
