but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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