i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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