I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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