We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
