I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
