Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Are we still banned from the library?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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