you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
