i already hear my dad disowning me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
