Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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