his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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