I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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