phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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