You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize