cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
