There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
