Sponge bath it is.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
