dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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