Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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