ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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