So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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