he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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