Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
