We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
