hell yes lets make some ravioli
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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