He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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