you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
