Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
