I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
