I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
