after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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