Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
