Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize