if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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