there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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