Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
