She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
