brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
