I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
