I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Fuck appropriateness.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
