woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
