you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize