he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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