someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
