Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
