please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
