just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
