just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
