that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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