So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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