I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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