I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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